Piss, Damn, Sh*t….

Went for blood work at 8:40 this morning and saw the chemo oncologist at 10:40…no chemo this week.  My neutrophils are only at .45 and should be in the 2.0 range.  No wonder I feel so lousy like I am coming down with the flu. 

What this means is…I had to make a phone call to my dad to tell him I would not be coming to Quesnel for Billy Barker Days as that is now chemo week.  It is really hard to not only want to sit down and cry because…one, I feel so crappy and disappointed and two, I had to listen to my father break down and cry and then try to be so brave for me.  Not happy with life at the moment.

I was given the option of saying, “No” to chemo as…according to the experts it would make a negligible difference.  I told my doctor that everyone I have talked to raves about his professionalism, his compassion, his integrity and most of all…how brilliant he is in his field and that if they were ever sick…he is the doctor they would want.  I saw how touched he was…I don’t think he was aware of how highly regarded he is.  I asked him…and he came back with, “If it was himself, he would have the chemo”. 

In spite of my disappointment…with lung cancer (the second deadliest form of cancer), I want every shot I have at beating this….negligible means a fighting chance…so, I chose round 3 of chemo.  I will be getting the full dosage of Cisplatin (that is the critical chemo for lung cancer) and 25% of the Etoposide (that is the one I seem to not be able to handle and keeps triggering diverticulosis attacks).  Hopefully, with no radiation to bring me down…I will handle this round better.

So…a week of rest…Nolan hugs on the weekend as Jim, Jen and grandson will be coming for a visit…yay!  Rhiann, Dez and Riley show up on the following Wednesday (first day of chemo) just for the night…more hugs and my sister and hubby at the end of the month.  Not being able to travel really sucks as I don’t see any of the family and I miss everyone.  At least, they are all doing road trips to me!

My eldest brother (sorry, but you are) and wife, Sharon came for a visit on the long weekend.  Ray (no. 2 son) and daughter-in-law, Amanda came too.  We had a house full with six people and four dogs.  Abby had to learn to share and ‘Jinks kept pretty much to himself under the bed!  Then…this passed weekend nephew Dave and fiancée Samantha came for a visit.  While they were here Samantha and I worked on wedding invitations.  We had fun looking at images and making up a mockup so she can show her mom.  Next stop…”Save the date” cards.  It is nice having something normal to work on for a change!

So…Bill and Sue, Gord and Judy, Terry and Donna, Gord and Linda, Ron and Kelly, Dad and Doreen…I will miss you guys and have fun this weekend with Willie, Sharon, LaVerne and Brigita.

I will be swimming while you are watching the parade!