Time....

Have you ever wanted time to speed up and...at the same time...slow down?  That is where I am right now. 

Back on August 22nd when they told me my next scan would be December 22nd....God, that was four months away.  Could I handle my life being on hold that long?  Could I hold my breath that long?  Then I blinked and the scan date was here.  Now it is two more days until I get the verdict on the 7th.

I can't sit and write my feelings down.  I can't verbalize them either.  I am too scared.  I go through each day trying not to think about it....or, feel anything.  I can fill tomorrow up with mundane tasks as laundry needs to be done and that wipes me out so all I want to do is sleep later.  I can clean the house or fill my time with mindless dvd's.

On the good side...my hair is growing back!  It is about 1" long all over and....it came back thicker and curlier...go figure!  Also, I lost weight.  I am 10lbs. less than my pre-cancer treatment start weight. 

So....I will fill my time with Pinterest and anything else that is "brain babble" until I hear from the doctors. 

Swimming....